Weekly Spark #247: I Could've Epidemic
Welcome to The Weekly Spark, my weekly newsletter featuring insights on mental and physical wellness, intentional living, and personal development. Since September 2020, I’ve published 247 reflections hoping to motivate myself and others to live more thoughtful, purpose-driven lives.
I could’ve worked harder
I could’ve done more to take care of my mind and my body
I could’ve spent my time more intentionally
I could’ve been more authentic and stayed truer to myself
I could’ve surrounded myself with higher quality people
I could’ve achieved more if I had the discipline to make sacrifices and work more intentionally towards my goals
I could’ve better prioritized quality time with friends and family
I could’ve been smarter with my money and used it in ways that brought me true fulfillment
I could’ve achieved XXX, but…
I could’ve let myself be happier
As you scan that list, what speaks to you? We talk a lot about Regret Minimization in the context of decisions, but how about the decision of how we live our lives? Feelings of sadness, guilt, or disappointment when reading any of those ten statements is almost certainly a sign of regret in some, way, same or form. It shows us where we are coming up short in our commitments to the only person we spend 24 hours a day with: ourselves. It can feed insecurity if not properly addressed. A reaction to statements in that list can really go one of two ways: it can be an excuse for down the road OR it can be motivation for change now. That’s a decision we all have to make. As Jim Rohn said, “We must all suffer from one of two pains: The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs TONS.”
Separate from personal habits and lifestyles, we’ve all encountered different cases of the “I could’ve” epidemic. We’ve all heard people say things like “I could’ve done this,” “I could’ve done that,” or “I could’ve done XXX but…” You think to yourself: why didn’t you? If you were so good at baseball back when you were in high school, that girlfriend from the other town REALLY deterred you from being the next All-Star? In these cases, it’s all excuses. It’s dismissed responsibility and people unwilling and unable to take ownership for the lives that they’ve built. On top of that, their levels of self-awareness are so low that people actually negotiate with themselves so hard that they believe the things they are saying. Most are bitter, projecting, and people we do not want to be. With the right intentionality and discipline, we won’t have to!
To avoid falling into this regret-laden lifestyle, let’s revisit the list from the start and leave it with a name as we make it our own: The “I could’ve” AVOID AT ALL COSTS List (that has a nice ring to it):
I could’ve worked harder
I could’ve done more to take care of my mind and my body
I could’ve spent my time more intentionally
I could’ve been more authentic and stayed truer to myself
I could’ve surrounded myself with higher quality people that I have values-based connections with
I could’ve achieved more if I had the discipline to make sacrifices and work more intentionally towards my goals
I could’ve better prioritized quality time with friends and family
I could’ve been smarter with my money and used it in ways that brought me true fulfillment
I could’ve achieved XXX, but…
I could’ve let myself be happier
This is not the in-stone 10 Commandments of Living an Unfulfilling Life (though it certainly sounds like it!) Make it your own! Add other “I could’ve” feelings that you’d like to avoid and remind yourself of them daily. As you lay your head down on the pillow at night and face the truth of who you are and how you spend your days, be mindful of the time where any of these may apply to you or you find yourself saying “I could’ve” about things you regret. They will haunt you if they go unaddressed. Think of how bitter the unfulfilled, underachievers, underperformers, and people full of regret feel as they reflect on their lives (if they even do). Unless you want to lie on your deathbed with regret, if you find these haunting you even in the slightest, it’s time to make a change and move closer towards the person you are called to and capable of being…
Mental Diet
Quote of the Week:
“The growth you asked for is found in the space you’ve been avoiding.” Sahil Bloom
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. If you are enjoying The Weekly Spark, please share with a friend, family member, or coworker who you think might benefit. If you have thoughts, comments, or feedback, please reply to this email and share them; I’d love to hear from you! Until next time… Take care of yourself and take care of each other. 🙏
Nathan
