Weekly Spark #187: Regret Minimization
The other day I read something that spoke to me. Regret is powerful and I think about it a lot, so I was intrigued. It talked about the top 5 regrets of the dying. Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. I plan to listen to the former and read the latter when I get the chance, and perhaps you may enjoy. In summary, the top five regrets are outlined below:
I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not what others expected
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I wish I would’ve expressed how I truly felt
I wish I would’ve stayed in touch with friends more
I wish I would’ve let myself be happier
When you read those regrets, what speaks to you? Which resonates with you the most? As you think of things that you may regret, what can you do to mitigate that in the future?
As I mentioned above, I think a lot about regret and try to channel my life in a way that will minimize regret in the future. There is some semblance of healthy regret; it shows you what you care about. I try to model my thinking after the “Regret Minimization Framework,” which has been attributed to a line of thinking that Jeff Bezos utilizes.
The general gist of the framework is to imagine yourself in the future, looking back at your current decision, and ask yourself which option would cause you the least regret. For example, when Jeff Bezos was deciding whether to quit his lucrative job and start an online bookstore, he used the regret minimization framework to realize that he would regret not taking the risk more than failing at his venture. I’m sure we can imagine ourselves in similar situations, whether personally or professionally, though probably not worth hundreds of billions of dollars.
I try to use this in my life and it’s been very helpful for me. I’ve been faced with many decisions. To travel or not to travel. To further this friendship or not to further this friendship. to engage in this relationship or not engage in this relationship. To take this job or not. To act or not to act. These are just a few examples but when I’m faced with important decisions, I ask myself: which course of action will I regret the least? Generally, it’s from action rather than inaction, but I have gotten pretty good at forecasting what will contribute the most to my happiness and what will detract from it. Could you imagine if people did and acted on more things that genuinely made them happy, not what other people wanted them to do? Crazy idea.
Think about how you can apply the Regret Minimization Framework in your life. No matter the magnitude of decisions, forecasting what will cause you the least regret in the future and has the best chance of making you happy is the way to go. Consider the 5 regrets of the dying and think about how you can avoid laying on your deathbed feeling the same sinking feelings.
Mental Diet
Quote of the Week:
“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” - Lucille Ball
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Until next time… Take care of yourself and take care of each other. 🙏
Nathan