Weekly Spark #254: You vs. You

Welcome to The Weekly Spark, my weekly+ newsletter featuring insights on mental and physical wellness, intentional living, and personal development. Since September 2020, I’ve published 254 reflections hoping to motivate myself and others to live more thoughtful, purpose-driven lives.

At the end of the day, who are you competing with? Our world is constantly putting us in position to feel as if we are competing against the people around us. That job that you wanted to get. That school that you wanted to get into. That boy or girl that you wanted to date. That status that you thought you wanted. With social media and the endless social comparison (for those who partake), it can feel like there’s an endless competition with those around us. Sure, in some sentences, for those seats described above, there may be room for one (for the relationships, I hope there’s only one), but in order to really “win” in those circumstances, I think people will fare far better if they put the blinders on, forget about the “competition,” and focus on the real competition where the most challenging and gut-wrenching battles of growth take place. The blockbuster fight is between two opponents that you know quite well: you and you.

In studying some of the most successful and fulfilled leaders and people, I’ve seen this common theme. John Wooden is someone who planted some of this philosophy into my brain in middle school. He talked about his philosophy on winning in his book “Wooden on Leadership,” which is a fantastic book on leadership and defining success. He is certainly qualified to write such a book, having won 10 NCAA championships, including 7 straight from 1967 to 1973. In the Quote of the Week, which I think is a very thought-provoking one, he defines success as a “peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.” He talked about games where his team won by 50 points, but they were not successful. He also talked about games where they lost by 10, but were successful. It wasn’t about the winning and losing or the score on the scoreboard, but the effort that they put in. David Goggins, an absolute warrior, said it best (I’ve edited the quote for his profanity lol): “I was always destined to be that one warrior. Content to be the person who sharpens his sword alone.” Legend.

I found this to be a very helpful philosophy in college and throughout my early professional career. It became clear to me that many people saw college as a competition against other people, particularly as I was enrolling in the pre-requisites for medical school, as a business major. I still remember the Biology professor making a funny face when I sat in the front row of our large lecture hall… until we got our first test scores back :) clown. This was the crew of kids that all wanted to be doctors (myself too at the time), so they thought it was some grand competition. As test scores would come out, you would see kids comparing and running to one another to see how they did vs. each other. I know it wasn’t unique to that sector nor college nor age group, but it was weird to me. At that moment, I doubled down on my philosophy: it’s me vs. me. No one is going to push me harder than I will push myself and only I know the standards of what I can achieve. Me getting a better score than that dude is like beating a turtle in a road race- expected and unfulfilling. So as I took more challenging courses, I would predict and decide what score I thought I was capable of and benchmark against that. If I thought I was capable and had prepared for a 98 and I got a 95, even if it was the highest score in the class, that was not a win. However, if I thought I was capable and prepared for an 70 and I got an 75 (not sure that happened but it’s for illustrative purposes), that was a win for me. I found so much satisfaction and liberation in that competition with myself and it pushed me to be way better. While others were looking over their shoulder, I was looking forward, locked into my race.

Next time you get out there and think you are competing with someone else, think again. The real battle is between you and you, most often in the space between your ears. There is so much out there to throw you off your game- banana peels I call them. The world is designed to distract, disrupt, and stunt the progress that you need to make towards that peace of mind described below. If you win that battle against yourself, the wins will follow as they are meant to. Plus, I can’t think of a more liberating and rewarding feeling than recognizing that no one else stands in the way of you achieving the goals you set out for, but the person that you have the most control over: yourself.

Mental Diet

Quote of the Week:

“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.” —John Wooden

I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. If you are enjoying The Weekly Spark, please share with a friend, family member, or coworker who you think might benefit. If you have thoughts, comments, or feedback, please reply to this email and share them; I’d love to hear from you! Until next time… Take care of yourself and take care of each other. 🙏

Nathan