Weekly Spark #242: What I Learned from Nate

You ever been somewhere and one of the ice breakers is “tell us a fun fact about yourself?” You look around and if you’re anything like me, think to yourself, fun fact? I don’t have a unique talent. Nothing special. I haven’t set a Guinness book of world records in anything. I’m a pretty normal person. In college, I would struggle with this one. “I like to play tennis.” Dude, that’s the most vanilla boring hum drum fun fact; you might as well just “pass” and not even answer the question 🤣 and then as I racked my brain some more, I realized my fun fact: the story of my name.

When I was born on that fateful day in January of 1998, my parents switched from man to man defense to zone defense, as my dad would day. Finally, the time came for me to enter the world. The baby is born! But what about his name? I left the hospital with the honor of being called “Baby Boy Vrabel.” Apparently there had been some discussion of what my name would be and it wasn’t finalized until a few weeks later: Nathan Jeffrey Vrabel.

As I grew up, I was always instructed that my name was Nathan and that’s what I should be called. There was no Nate. No Nathaniel. No Nate Dog. Just Nathan. This was etched into my brain when one of my baseball coaches decided to call me “Nate Dog” at one of the practices. I’m not sure if he realized my mom was around the corner but that lasted all but one practice…

Now clearly, I knew that there was a lot of time and attention that went into my name, but I didn’t fully appreciate it until I went to get my driver’s permit right around my 16th birthday in 2014. “Sir these two cards do not match.” Somehow, my updated birth certificate said my name was Nathan but my social security card still said “Baby Boy.” Since they didn’t match, I would have to go to the social security office the next day to legally change my name to Nathan so that both records matched and I could take the grueling permit test. From that point forward, I really realized: it’s Nathan.

So what have I learned from Nate? One, clearly that’s not my name, but actually much more:

• The importance of speaking up - For me, part of this has required being assertive and sometimes a little outspoken about my preferences. I don’t try to and people shouldn’t feel bad for addressing someone improperly (until they’re corrected for the first time). The mini lesson for me: If you can’t clearly articulate and correct people on what you want to be CALLED (table stakes for using someone’s name properly), how could we ever expect you to take a stand on anything or speak up in a personal or professional setting? Seems like square one to me and a sign of confidence and comfortably in your own skin.

• Find out what they want to be called - Whenever I meet a “William” or “Matthew,” one of the first things I ask is “what do you prefer to be called?” It’s simple and humanizing. Imagine if someone droned on calling me Nate when my name was Nathan, like it or not, rational or irrational, I’m going to be slightly irritated subconsciously (only if I’ve established that in the first place). You would probably feel the same way and it’s a very simple step to establish the groundwork for more meaningful connection. Just this past weekend, I met someone with the name tag “Nathan” spelled identically.“Awesome, another Nathan!” “It’s actually “Nah-thin.” Ok brother noted, we do not share the same name after all despite the identical spelling. That’s why we ask.

Names are important. People like to hear them. One framework I talk about for building deeper relationships is SNAV (Smile, use people’s Names, Ask meaningful questions and listening with remarkable patience, and find ways to add Value). You can’t do that without getting mutual understanding on proper names to use. I hope this funny story from my childhood illuminates the importance of the “N” in SNAV… and NATHAN.

Mental Diet

📚What I’m Reading: The Next Day by Melinda Gates

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Nathan