I’m who I was. I never will be. You are not who you were. You never will be. As uncomfortable as that thought can be, it’s reality. To deny reality, is a massive disservice to yourself and those around you. Think about all that you’ve grown and learned in your life. All of the trials and tribulations that you’ve endured. All of the joyous moments. All of the gut wrenching and challenging moments. How could you expect not to change over time? How could anyone else with a brain expect you not to change over time? If you didn’t change as a result of those, I’d be concerned you’re a robot. You’re not the same as you once were and you never will be.
We grapple with change every day. Good change. Bad change. All good things eventually come to an end. All bad things eventually come to an end. We are not who we once were. Our friends are not who they once were. Our families are not who they once were. Our world is ever changing; drop the rope and acknowledge that.
At times, when we struggle with change, we can hold onto a projected imagine of what we once were. This is not healthy. We can also hold onto a projected image of what others once were. Also not healthy. You need to look at who they are in this current moment. Similarly, people will try to hold onto a projected image of what you once were. Don’t submit yourselves to those shackles. That’s not fair to you. Everyone grows and sheds their skin at different points in their lives. My growth journey is not the same as yours and vice versa and people that have a problem with your growth journey really don’t belong on it. Maybe you’ve outgrown them.
I think about my own life and all of the ways that I’m not who I once was. Luckily, I’m a lot smarter and more mature than I was in middle and high schools. Anyone who is holding onto the images, and perhaps shortcomings, of that version of me, is unwilling to accept the growth that has happened between then and now. What a shame for them. Physically, I’m not who I once was. I used to be able to play soccer, basketball, and tennis for hours a day. Now, with some injuries I’ve endured, I simply can’t do that. For me, trying to will myself to do that or hold myself to the standard that I did as a 16 year old would be doing a disservice to my long term health. Mentally, I’m not who I once was. I used to be riddled with anxiety, uncertainty, and didn’t really know who I was (probably not entirely uncommon for people below 18). Now we are talking a much different story in terms of mental wellness and fortitude.
From a social standpoint, my friends are not who they once were. That’s such an important concept for people to grasp. Over time, I’ve gotten to know people’s true colors and seen who they’ve evolved into today and find myself loving and enjoying them MORE than I did in the past. Those people I consider some of my best friends. Even with them, they are not who they were 10 years, 5 years, or even 1 month ago. They’re constantly evolving, just for the better :) For others, I’ve gotten to know their true colors and seen who they’ve evolved into today and find myself loving and enjoying them LESS than I did in the past. It’s all a part of life. From an investment standpoint, we need to be shrewd about knowing when we’ve held onto something longer than it’s valuable and longer than it will add value to our lives, particularly in the realm of people.
You aren’t who you once were. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. You’ve improved in some areas. You’ve taken steps back in other areas. This process happens every day. We are constantly evolving beings. Give yourself the grace of understanding that about yourself and others. Embrace radical acceptance that this IS the way the world is and there’s nothing any of us can do to stop it. You can scratch and claw and want to act like things don’t change, but they do. Radical acceptance is the way that I’ve been able to cope with the changes that have occurred in my life, and seems like the only viable option. Things change. People change. You change. Just because you aren’t who you once were doesn’t mean you aren’t a much better version on a much better path surrounded by much better people. Embrace it.
Mental Diet
Quote of the Week:
“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” - Abraham Maslow
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Until next time… Take care of yourself and take care of each other. 🙏
Nathan
Fantastic!