Weekly Spark #189: Eat Alone
Eat alone. I always talk about how life is all about the people. I feed off of meaningful social connection. Interactions with people who I share values and mutual respect and admiration for are fuel for my soul. Armed with that knowledge, I know how to proceed in my days. I also know when to titrate alone time, which has supercharged a lot in my life, both personally and professionally, and in my relationships with myself and others.
Historically, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with time “alone.” Having gone on a few solo trips, I noticed that I was spent a lot of time alone. I’ve gone on some pretty epic solo trips around the world and in addition to many meals with people from my hostels (it’s been a fun quest to see which country has the best McDonald’s), I’ve enjoyed more than my fair share of meals alone. There’s something liberating about it.
To share a recent example, I was traveling for work and decided to head out for dinner myself. In addition to the wonderful walk roaming the city, I opted to sit down for a meal. My one rule: no crutches. No phone. No book. No nothing. It doesn’t count if you sit there on your phone; that’s merely a coping mechanism and a comfort thing so that people don’t feel alone or embarrassed. I just sat there chillin and had a pen and paper to jot down thoughts that came to my head. In its own way, it was very productive. I filled that paper with thoughts to come back to. I also enjoyed the people watching that came with it, including the two guys to my left on what seemed like a first date. Based on the quality of conversation, I’d be shocked if there was a second, but that’s an aside. All in all, this experience, one which I hadn’t had for a little while, reminded me of the power of those times alone.
Don’t get me wrong. In most instances, I would much rather be sharing a meal with my girlfriend, family, or close friends. It would be very much against my credo to operate any other way. I certainly know that life is all about the people and I also know that loneliness is more deadly than smoking. However, I see the value in that time alone from time to time. Now maybe this is me just making lemonade out of the life circumstances that life hands me at times, but I do think it’s ok. It’s not weird, like society might tell you to think.
With books like “Never Eat Alone” and the classic phobia of eating alone in the middle school lunch room, people can think this is a weird thing. Try it. But let yourself do it for real. Don’t numb the experience through phones or other distractions. Feel what extreme presence is like, what your food tastes like, what’s going on around you, and where your mind wanders in such simple times. That knowledge can be some of the most powerful you could ever ask for. As helpful as this is, whether a meal or just some solitary alone time without crutches or distraction, I fear that most people are incapable of letting themselves derive the full benefit from this; it’s too uncomfortable. You can buck the trend and at least give it a fair shot.
Whether you’re single, married, young, or old, this practice can be valuable from time to time. If you can’t spend quality time with yourself, how quality is the time that you’re spending with other people?
Mental Diet
Quote of the Week:
“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” - Francis Bacon
I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Until next time… Take care of yourself and take care of each other. 🙏
Nathan